We had the strawberry super moon on the 12th of June in the big and bright house of Sagittarius. A time for self-reflection or in some cases self-destruction, for me it was an emotional one…
It got me questioning a lot in life, and being me, I dug deep. Then I threw myself into learning I guess as a way to hide from that inner work I did. But, after I took some time out to recharge myself, I realised that sometimes you have to take a step back in life and take a break to regain focus. I know from experience that my writing is better this way.
So I started to research all sorts of things, from glass cutting, to the history of druids (there isn’t much), trauma in children and its link to creativity and self-healing techniques… I even started to learn some Italian, then made some new music You can listen to it here on Soundcloud if you want.
But even after all of this, one question was prominent, burning in the forefront of my mind, why do we self-destruct? Self sabotage I guess is a kind of inner perfectionism, we set ourselves with such high standards, that inevitably lead to failure. But self-destruction is much deeper than that. It's dangerous.
So, what do I mean by self-destruction? Well, I’m talking about that inability to stay in control, whether it’s anger, addiction or accountability. We’re all capable of self-destruction on some level, but some of us take this to extremes.
Wildly untameable and complex, self-destruction is something I grew up around and later adopted in life.
That big old moon was named the Strawberry moon because it was a time when strawberries were ripe and ready to harvest, the sweet fruit flourished just as the start of summer was beginning. The summer solstice is of course on the 21st of June. How I’ve longed for the start of summer this year.
I’ve always loved nature and have appreciated it, but I have never respected it enough to connect with the earth. To dig my hands in the soil and plant seedlings, bulbs and small plants, Nurturing them and then watch them beginning to grow. To take the time to water them and appreciate their ever-changing forms.
To care for nature is a new string to my bow and something I am enjoying very much. It distracts me from those self-destructive habits I have,. My garden was pretty desolate when I moved into my new home.
It's only recently that I have taken to landscaping my garden, albeit it being a small patch of grass. Of course, I got a strawberry plant yesterday, I had to, well actually if I'm being honest, I stole it, and seeing as we are basking under the strawberry moonlight, it only seemed right to have one.
Still, that ever-flowing and changing nature that seems to flow so effortlessly feels almost dreamy to me.
Perhaps my mind is lost in mysticism, but I almost envy how nature knows its place. Each stage is progressed naturally without any thought and I wonder sometimes, "why Isn't human nature like this?"
When a plant won't grow
I’ve often looked across the horizon,
And thought of hidden delights,
A sweet relief from the summer haze,
Or all of those unpleasant stares,
That make life so hard to bare,
Sometimes, I wish it all away,
But then, often when I wake,
To the roar of cars,
that skate over tarmac,
I see the world is only fake,
and wish for night
to hide me from view,
And remove those things,
I wish I didn’t do.