The Dark Knight of the Soul

Published on 18 August 2022 at 17:12

have been taking time out to enjoy the beauty of life around me. The perplexing complexity of nature and enjoying my senses. What’s really struck me though is that my attention is continually being drawn to butterflies, which are ultimately the symbol of transformation.

I took my daughter for a walk in the glorious sunshine, the birds were chirping, and it was truly beautiful. She began to run about on the grass where she was surrounded by five white butterflies (much to her delight).

I read a magazine, butterflies, I sit in the garden, butterflies. I even ordered some new clothes online, unfortunately, they sent me the wrong order, but do you know what was printed on the clothes? That’s right, butterflies…

I think something really important about transformation, which is something you don’t see being mentioned much is that the journey is not going to be beautiful or full of ‘love and light’. In fact, having this idea about it will actually set you up for a massive disappointment.

The journey of transformation and the one you take to improve yourself involves you coming to terms with the darkest parts within yourself. Learning how to balance your shadow with self-love can be a difficult and almighty balancing act. It is important then to not only beware of the dark but to embrace it so you can deepen the introspection of your healing.

Recently the phrase ‘Dark night of the Soul’ was uttered to me and it instantly sent chills down my spine, I didn’t really understand it. It just felt strange and uncomfortable.

Since then I’ve been researching the matter. It was like this need to do it, ‘I must know more’, like an aching emptiness of knowledge, something I wanted to understand if you know what I mean? ….Could it be, Pandora’s box locked within me?

It turns out the term ‘Dark night of the Soul’ came from a poem originally…

It was a poem about the long and unbearable crisis one must go through to eventually transform and find spirituality. It describes the journey of spiritual depression and is ultimately something one must go through to wake up from the deep sleep they have been living in. It’s like a detox for the soul.

It sounds a little Matrix- y I know, but hear me out….

My first reaction was shock, because this resonated with me so much. In fact, when I started this blog I felt like I was having a kind of spiritual awakening. Digging deeper I’ve found that the dark night of the soul is a term now used by mystics to describe a spiritual awakening.

Not everyone is intended to experience a dark night of the Soul transformation, so don’t panic. However, most people that do experience this have little understanding of what it is, what is causing it or how to handle the situation…

10 Signs you are experiencing the dark night of the soul.

  • You begin to experience a feeling of retreat. You go within for healing and introspection, starting to challenge what you believe and find ways to heal your soul. For example, you might start watching videos on Youtube about healing, or go and see a therapist. Buying self-help books or mediating might be another example. You are also being to question important beliefs and core morals, for example ‘why don’t I believe in religion?
  • You experience ego death or a loss of ego in your soul. This one is often brutal but necessary. It’s a life-changing experience that ultimately leads you to re-purpose your mission in life. You may suddenly change your vision about something. You may change your opinion on things that you have thought about your whole life so far. Seeing a vision of something new, or in a new light.
  • You don’t feel happy when you should. Often referred to as a spiritual depression. You’re not content even though you should feel happy. You feel like your soul is dying and you don’t know why or how to stop it. Materialistic things no longer excite you, money feels irrelevant. Eventually, you get in tune with your intuition. When you start to listen to impulses and inner thoughts you find your happiness.
  • The more you’re alone the more you realise you’re never really alone. You may begin to experience a kind of butterfly effect. The world may seem huge and far more complex than you originally thought. A symptom of this is a sudden sensitivity to sound. When people become independent they begin to realise the world is more transparent… Eventually, you will feel content on your own. You do things that make you feel like you and this betters your quality of life, eventually leading to you having clearer emotions. It helps you to understand that emotions are complex and experienced differently by everyone. You will start to see things from multiple perspectives.
  • You understand that you’re a free soul and you value your freedom. You free yourself from toxicity and are no longer a prisoner of the past, life trauma, or the future. You free yourself from the past and future and step into the present more freely. It will feel like you own a new pair of wings, and you free yourself from anxiety.
  • Re-thinking the idea of success. This one can be a biggie. You might fall out with family over traditions, or lose friends. You challenge the ideas you have, where they came from and your family’s opinions. They might think you’ve shifted to the dark side…. I’m joking, but in reality, this one can cause huge rifts. It is one of the most painful stages and may require you to stand alone.
  • You feel suffering and you feel the pain. You don’t just cry because you’re sad, you feel it. Empaths experience this frequently, but it may be amplified during these times. If not, you may just experience emotions very deeply and suddenly. For example, you might cry in public one day, but you’re unsure why you’re doing it…. This is the ultimate release however and just know that the happiness you experience after this will feel like enlightenment.
  • Huge changes in habits and sleeping patterns. The obvious one here is suddenly facing and releasing an addition. Old habits are no longer serving you, you choose to better your life, however painful the transformation might be.
  • Having the ability to bounce back when everything is falling apart. You understand transformation is painful and exhausting. The self-annihilation and destruction of what you have spent your life building so far are possible, if not necessary if it’s going to change your life for the better. Eventually, you begin to realise that each time you fall, you will rise up, survive and you will be much stronger.
  • You want to connect to others around you. You desire real connections and interact with people genuinely. You take interest in who they are and their life experiences. The connection becomes a warmth rather than a fulfilment for your ego.

The knight of the soul…

Something that I think is really beautiful about this journey is that despite the pain and destruction, it’s a spiritual awakening that will ultimately lead to happiness and complete fulfilment.

It’s an awakening that happens to people to better their lives. It’s a gift, although it may not feel like one. It is like the soul has been finally knighted with clarity.

The process is long, complicated and chaotic. A difficult path, absolutely, but one that will lead to the most beautiful transformation.

Everything must be knocked down and then it must be rebuilt, but this time as the person you truly are. We can’t live in other people’s shadows or opinions, we must be true to ourselves. If we’re not the universe finds a way to awaken us.

If this is a journey you feel like you are on, I wish you happiness on this path. You will emerge from the chrysalis a new, stronger and awake.

I feel like I have been on this path for some time. It’s gripped me, wrapped me in darkness, broken me out of my mould and changed everything in my world. I’ve healed inside and came to terms with past traumas, forgiving those who I felt were responsible.

I’ve changed myself for the better, lost friends that were encouraging toxic patterns and I’ve become the strongest version of myself, ready to build something new and phenomenal…

Have you experienced a dark night of the Soul transformation? I’d love to know more. Let me know in the comments below or send me an email and get in touch…

Love and light, shadow and darkness…

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